Herb Eaversgood

Herb was not a handsome man, in fact he was not even your average Joe; he was homely at best. He had a pale white face, two tiny beads for eyes which resembled a brown marble, and a nose the was broken. His teeth stuck out of his mouth like an old mule, they were stained with a yellow residue that nothing he bought over the counter could whiten. When he talked, people stood at a respectful distance, one that didn't reveal that they did so to avoid the ass like smell that was his ora.

He had never had many friends, had often wondered why? Had asked many a girl out in high school, but never walked away victorious. He once was turned down by a crack whore, who had been Jonesing so bad she would have done anyone, except for him. When he came of age he had called many an escort service, but when they came to his house to turn the trick, and saw him, they asked, pretending; "would you like to buy some girl scout cookies." However the trick was on them, because Samoas were his favorite. He had gotten naked with a girl once, however she was unaware that he was hiding in the next room when he did so, having snuck through a window in her house. Her name was Betty White, not the actress, and not white. He had fallen in love with her while in junior high, she was a cheer leader, he wasn't even considered a nerd, not even a dork, in fact, he was not considered at all, except when he passed by somone and the smell that followed penetrated their noses.

When he walked it was with a slight limp due to a small hump on his back, that he played off as a large zit. Once, a doctor tried to pop it but when he did it bit his head off, and then spit it out. The hump became his only friend, they would go on and on for hours talking about nothing imparticular, carry on goofily. The hump, he named Raul, was a hairy little thing, that reaked of puke and fecis, was red around the edge, and often spewed forth pus. Raul one time had gotten sick, and the pus was worse that day. He caughed, and puked, and did not get any better. Herb grew concerned, Raul was his best friend, and he believed he might not survive if something were to happen to him. In fact, after taking Raul to the doctor, Herb was told because Raul was sick, he himself would not survive, that Raul was cancerous, and was spreading the foul junk throughout the rest of his body. Herb left saddened, not for himself, but for Raul, because the only way to save his life, was to have Raul removed.

Herb decided against the operation, even though Raul begged him. Raul became so angry about it that he would swell casuing severe pain to Herb, who just took his morphine to ease it.

After a few months of dealing with it, Herb died, Raul not long behind him. When Herb did die, Raul cried, but he was the only one, as no one had come to the funeral, except for he.